So, I thought I might try writing snippets of words I think of here. My words mostly, maybe some quotes or fragments floating in the space of memory saved for the loop that plays and replays all that you love and hate most.
I've noticed something about the mirror in my grandparents' bathroom on the first floor. It makes me feral.
It's the same mirror that has hung there since I was a child. Since my mother was a child- Probably even since my grandfather was a child. There's nothing extraordinary about the bathroom itself- There's a toilet. And a sink. Occasionally some toilet paper. And the mirror.
There is a school of thought that reflections are deeper than just the surface. Deeper than how we appear to the rest of the world. That they reflect deeper into the recesses of our minds and our souls. The mirror harbors truths for those who peer farther into its depths.
The mirror holds the soul in front of the eyes.
The mirror in my grandparents' bathroom on the first floor shows me a feral, wild soul.
My hair, already fairly dark, appears darker in the mirror. Inkier, deeper- oil, rather than chocolate. My hair has never appeared tame in this mirror, whether through my own neglect or otherwise, I don't know. My irises appear more golden and at the same time murkier. The lines of the irises stand out more, stark against the lightness of the amber. My eyelashes long, draw into these strange eyes. Freckles that are seen only in the mirror scatter across my nose and cheeks and my mouth appears rosier, as if recently stained by some red fruit. There is a golden light above the mirror- no different than any other- that bathes me in a warm light which even as I've grown taller, seems to always fall upon the same planes of my face. During the day the sunlight through the window accomplishes this in the absence of the need for light.
I do not know this person I am shown. And yet she is familiar.
I have never seen her face. But, I recognized her immediately.
She is a stranger. She is me.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Welcome Back, Demi Lovato. And Thank You.
The following post is not meant to be a retaliation to any one person. It is not meant to be in the defense of another person either. It is simply me. My thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, my blog. I am not saying any of it to please anyone but myself. I do not intend for it to be an argument against anyone else's thoughts, opinions or the like. This is my blog, my property, and my voice. And my chance to have my voice be heard. You may disagree with every word. You may think I'm an idiot, with no idea at all what I'm talking about. Or you may agree with every word. You may have your eyes opened to something you have never seen before. You can judge, you can ridicule, you can debate everything I say.
I only ask that the one thing you unfailingly faithfully do, is read. Once you've read, you can say anything you'd like, to anyone you'd like, and about anything you'd like. I know you don't need my permission for any of it, but I give it to you nevertheless. I also can not force you to do the one thing that I ask. But I'm hoping you will, nevertheless.
First off, I personally, very much like the song Skyscraper, and the music video. To those people who say the video is boring because it's just like A Year Without Rain, and then end their comments by saying they love Selena Gomez; you are entitled to your opinion. I'm also a fan of Selena's. What I don't understand is how you can like one of these videos, say the other is the same, and then dislike it. I get that the video does not follow the song's lyrics, but I believe that a music video is about what a particular song means to that artist, not what the lyrics are saying, especially in a song with such a large amount of symbolism as this one.
I am very supportive of Demi's comeback. Not because I'm a fan, and not because I feel sorry for her. I am supportive of what it- in it's most basic form- is. It is a person who has reached their breaking point, recognized it, and set out to seek assistance. And it is that person emerging anew, triumphing over what was once impossible to face. Demi is not the only one who has suffered, or triumphed. I can sympathize with those who don't think that she deserves to be praised for making it through something that so many others experience as well, but without such recognition. I don't think it is justified to praise her above others in the same situation. I do understand why it has happened though.
Those others are the silent sufferers, they accomplish the same feat, but get none of the renown. With that in mind though, I ask this:
What if Demi had kept silent?
Of course she wouldn't have gotten the attention that many feel she didn't deserve, but then neither would her battle. I don't mean her personal battle, but rather what she fought against. The pressure to be perfect, to be something you aren't because what you are, couldn't be good enough. Is this not the same thing all those others battle against?
If no one had known about Demi, no one would have known her battle, or her enemy. But people did know about Demi, and as a result, her -and so many others'- enemy. Now ,because of people like Demi- who see their chance to be heard and seize it in the name of a mutual enemy and a common goal- the world, or at least most of it, knows their enemy as well.
No, Demi doesn't deserve special praise for defeating this common enemy, but she does deserve recognition for bringing that enemy to the attention of others, for the sake of those who can't.
Lastly; some people say that Demi ruined her career by entering in to rehab.
I for one, would much rather see someone, in the same situation, lose her singing ability altogether, rather than see the alternative. Rehab has been portrayed so falsely in recent years that many people seem to be unaware or ignorant of it's purpose.
Rehab is not a place (well, it's not meant to be) where a celebrity goes to get attention. It's not meant to be a place that people go to for pity or sympathy when they feel they want more people to like them. The purpose of the rehab that celebrities attend, is the same as the rehab any other person in the world would go to. It is a place to go when you lose the ability to deal with things that are happening to you. When the consequences of the path you are currently traveling are both too frightening, and seemingly unescapable. When you feel like you are on an edge, so close to falling in to things that are seemingly, all of a sudden, completely out of your control, rehab is there to pull you back from that edge, slowly, cautiously -so that they you won't be startled and lose your balance again. If Demi and others had not gone to rehab, by their will, or someone else's, they could have faced much worse- and some have.
Take for instance, Demi, who was cutting and starving herself. The path she was on was already dangerous, but further down, perhaps out of her sight, were even worse things.
What would be next, once cutting no longer took away the pain? For some the answer is death -by suicide yes, but also by things like drugs, or self-mutilation gone badly wrong. And who knows how long a body can take starvation or any other suffering, before it gives up and shuts down entirely?
Here's the answer: No one.
No one can know the limit for sure until it's too late for the knowlege to make any difference. The problem with pushing something until it breaks is that you can only know when to stop, once it's already broken.
So I don't care if Demi completely ruined her career by entering rehab.
I'm glad she did, because I am much more pleased to be writing this about someone who is still here, and still using her voice, not to further her career -which she has been lucky enough to still possess- but to increase the chances for those whose voices we can not hear- and if not for Demi and others like her- we might never hear.
Yes I am much happier to write about that person than to write about one who didn't have the resolve, or the courage to stand up and to call her enemy out and face it.
And for that I say; Thank You, Demi Lovato.
I only ask that the one thing you unfailingly faithfully do, is read. Once you've read, you can say anything you'd like, to anyone you'd like, and about anything you'd like. I know you don't need my permission for any of it, but I give it to you nevertheless. I also can not force you to do the one thing that I ask. But I'm hoping you will, nevertheless.
First off, I personally, very much like the song Skyscraper, and the music video. To those people who say the video is boring because it's just like A Year Without Rain, and then end their comments by saying they love Selena Gomez; you are entitled to your opinion. I'm also a fan of Selena's. What I don't understand is how you can like one of these videos, say the other is the same, and then dislike it. I get that the video does not follow the song's lyrics, but I believe that a music video is about what a particular song means to that artist, not what the lyrics are saying, especially in a song with such a large amount of symbolism as this one.
I am very supportive of Demi's comeback. Not because I'm a fan, and not because I feel sorry for her. I am supportive of what it- in it's most basic form- is. It is a person who has reached their breaking point, recognized it, and set out to seek assistance. And it is that person emerging anew, triumphing over what was once impossible to face. Demi is not the only one who has suffered, or triumphed. I can sympathize with those who don't think that she deserves to be praised for making it through something that so many others experience as well, but without such recognition. I don't think it is justified to praise her above others in the same situation. I do understand why it has happened though.
Those others are the silent sufferers, they accomplish the same feat, but get none of the renown. With that in mind though, I ask this:
What if Demi had kept silent?
Of course she wouldn't have gotten the attention that many feel she didn't deserve, but then neither would her battle. I don't mean her personal battle, but rather what she fought against. The pressure to be perfect, to be something you aren't because what you are, couldn't be good enough. Is this not the same thing all those others battle against?
If no one had known about Demi, no one would have known her battle, or her enemy. But people did know about Demi, and as a result, her -and so many others'- enemy. Now ,because of people like Demi- who see their chance to be heard and seize it in the name of a mutual enemy and a common goal- the world, or at least most of it, knows their enemy as well.
No, Demi doesn't deserve special praise for defeating this common enemy, but she does deserve recognition for bringing that enemy to the attention of others, for the sake of those who can't.
Lastly; some people say that Demi ruined her career by entering in to rehab.
I for one, would much rather see someone, in the same situation, lose her singing ability altogether, rather than see the alternative. Rehab has been portrayed so falsely in recent years that many people seem to be unaware or ignorant of it's purpose.
Rehab is not a place (well, it's not meant to be) where a celebrity goes to get attention. It's not meant to be a place that people go to for pity or sympathy when they feel they want more people to like them. The purpose of the rehab that celebrities attend, is the same as the rehab any other person in the world would go to. It is a place to go when you lose the ability to deal with things that are happening to you. When the consequences of the path you are currently traveling are both too frightening, and seemingly unescapable. When you feel like you are on an edge, so close to falling in to things that are seemingly, all of a sudden, completely out of your control, rehab is there to pull you back from that edge, slowly, cautiously -so that they you won't be startled and lose your balance again. If Demi and others had not gone to rehab, by their will, or someone else's, they could have faced much worse- and some have.
Take for instance, Demi, who was cutting and starving herself. The path she was on was already dangerous, but further down, perhaps out of her sight, were even worse things.
What would be next, once cutting no longer took away the pain? For some the answer is death -by suicide yes, but also by things like drugs, or self-mutilation gone badly wrong. And who knows how long a body can take starvation or any other suffering, before it gives up and shuts down entirely?
Here's the answer: No one.
No one can know the limit for sure until it's too late for the knowlege to make any difference. The problem with pushing something until it breaks is that you can only know when to stop, once it's already broken.
So I don't care if Demi completely ruined her career by entering rehab.
I'm glad she did, because I am much more pleased to be writing this about someone who is still here, and still using her voice, not to further her career -which she has been lucky enough to still possess- but to increase the chances for those whose voices we can not hear- and if not for Demi and others like her- we might never hear.
Yes I am much happier to write about that person than to write about one who didn't have the resolve, or the courage to stand up and to call her enemy out and face it.
And for that I say; Thank You, Demi Lovato.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
What Happened to Summer?
It's SUMMER! Not that I would know... I have so much AP work to do... ugh.
3 books to read (one and 1/5 down so far),
1 journal to keep while reading the 3rd book (the reason why I have yet to make progress in that one)
3 essays to write. 1 has to be at least 3 pages long, the other is based on said journal, and the 3rd is based on a quote.
Here's the quote: Gatsby turned out all right in the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.
Here's the issue: The essay is supposed to be argumentative. What part of that quote can be argued? The only plausible thing I've come up with is that we are supposed to argue whether or not Gatsby did actually turn out all right.
If people read this, I would ask them for ideas but....
Anyway, all this work means it doesn't feel like summer to me. It feels like a holiday break (spring break, winter break), that a teacher assigned homework over.
I have to have it all done by August 2nd, 26 DAYS!
HELP. :-[
3 books to read (one and 1/5 down so far),
1 journal to keep while reading the 3rd book (the reason why I have yet to make progress in that one)
3 essays to write. 1 has to be at least 3 pages long, the other is based on said journal, and the 3rd is based on a quote.
Here's the quote: Gatsby turned out all right in the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.
Here's the issue: The essay is supposed to be argumentative. What part of that quote can be argued? The only plausible thing I've come up with is that we are supposed to argue whether or not Gatsby did actually turn out all right.
If people read this, I would ask them for ideas but....
Anyway, all this work means it doesn't feel like summer to me. It feels like a holiday break (spring break, winter break), that a teacher assigned homework over.
I have to have it all done by August 2nd, 26 DAYS!
HELP. :-[
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
With My Cousins
I'm at my Grandparents house with my cousins, Madelyn and Ashlyn. We hanging out today. Ashlyn slept over at my house last night. Here she is:
Ashlyn: Hello, I'm Ashlyn. Yesterday at Sam's house I got my hair done, my makeup done, and had a fashion show with some old clothes of Sam's that fit me. There was music at the fashion show too. We had French Toast for breakfast but since we ate it at 12 it was more like lunch (Somebody didn't get up till 11) . Sam made the french toast. We went to the park/playground and played on the swings, jungle gym, pirate ship and in the sandbox. Bye!
That was Ashlyn, as you could probably tell. Madey is asleep... again. She was up at about 6:30, ate breakfast, saw Grandma off to work and then fell asleep again at about 10 (in the morning). She's pretty tired because she's still sleeping at 11. Well Ashlyn and I have to go. See ya, and have a great summer!
Ashlyn: Hello, I'm Ashlyn. Yesterday at Sam's house I got my hair done, my makeup done, and had a fashion show with some old clothes of Sam's that fit me. There was music at the fashion show too. We had French Toast for breakfast but since we ate it at 12 it was more like lunch (Somebody didn't get up till 11) . Sam made the french toast. We went to the park/playground and played on the swings, jungle gym, pirate ship and in the sandbox. Bye!
That was Ashlyn, as you could probably tell. Madey is asleep... again. She was up at about 6:30, ate breakfast, saw Grandma off to work and then fell asleep again at about 10 (in the morning). She's pretty tired because she's still sleeping at 11. Well Ashlyn and I have to go. See ya, and have a great summer!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Quick One!
Hello! I have definitely been neglecting this (not like anyone reads it, therefore cares). I'm just checking in to say that I have recently been to this really great restaurant. It's in Harrisburg (Pennsylvania). It is called Home 231 and it's really good. I went on a special trip and had about 6 different dishes- woops, 7 :D. I think the only thing I didn't eat/like was the portebello burger (not a big mushroom fan), but the person who took me on the trip raved about it. If you're in that area or if there is a possibility you could get there somehow (like me), then I suggest you go.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Me again! Dun Dun Duhhhh...
So, the main reason I am typing right now is because I felt I was neglecting my blog. Well that and I'm supposed to be asleep right now, so of course that's the only thing I can't do. Oh well. My class is writing children's books right now, which basically means that I have to think of about 6 or 7 more stanzas of rhymes that have to do with 3 dragons, a unicorn, an evil wizard, and knight in shining armor. It's not what it sounds like. Don't even give your computer that look. It's NOT. What it is, is amazing! I'm having a lot of fun writing it, which is the most important part. Well actually, seeing as this is a school assignment that I will be getting graded on I guess that's probably not the part that matters, but I am anyway so there...
I shall bore thou no longer oh reader of mine blog. I hasten forth to mine bed to sucumb to sweet slumber. For I hath a mere eight hours to revive mine deprived mind and body from the days of turmoil. Hence I bid you farewell for this night.
Weren't expecting that, were you?
I shall bore thou no longer oh reader of mine blog. I hasten forth to mine bed to sucumb to sweet slumber. For I hath a mere eight hours to revive mine deprived mind and body from the days of turmoil. Hence I bid you farewell for this night.
Weren't expecting that, were you?
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Fine.
Ok, so I'm still supposed to be doing something else, and my mom's going to kick my butt, but... somebody (not naming names), can't take a joke so I'm rephrasing. I am not- as previously stated- saying hello to a frizzy red(orange)-head. I am saying hello to a perfectly normal red(orange)head. Happy? Anyway this is yet agian another pointless entry. I really need to find some new inspiration...
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